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| Thursday, October 12, 2006 |
| Death lingering |
all around me. First Max died, then his cousin died, then his other cousins wife. Yesterday my granny was set up with hospice. They gave her weeks to live. Her heart is just giving out. I am OK with her passing. We talked about it a long time ago. I know she is ready. She wants to go and has wanted to go for a long time. She is 87 today and spending it in the hospital as she had a heart attack sometime Monday, if I am remembering my days correctly. I just really hope she goes in peace. Not like Max. However, I fear she will labor. The fluid is building up in her fast. Her blood pressure keeps dropping slowly. She struggles for air.
My mother is not taking this so well. She said it is too soon. I can just imagine how she is feeling. Just losing her husband and now losing her mother within 2 months of his death. My heart goes out to her.
Gary is doing the same. The pain is still there. Nothing has changed. He goes for another CT scan the first part of December and then sees the doctor a week after that for the results. Hopefully these people can tell us something at that time. This is getting ridiculous. Also, the more they screw around the more the bills pile up. We did get a 90 percent discount on any procedures done at the hospital in Memphis, that was good, but as poor as we are that 100 on a 1000 is still going to be impossible. I hope all these people will take ten dollars a month on their bills. Well, I have faith in God and somehow this will all work out. I just have to lay it at His feet and quit thinking about it.
Clay is doing well. He had 5 A's, 2 B's, and a D on his report card. The D is in AP Biology. It is really a C by the grade point average. The AP classes are graded on a 5.0 scale rather than the normal 4.0. It was still a bone of contention between us that his grade was so low. If you know me you would be shocked at how well I took it. Anything below a B was unacceptable when he is an A-B student. That is how I have always been and he has maintained those grades. When he pulled a C in a class midterm I went nuts. That grade was brought up. For me to look at what was an F and not kill the boy was a miracle. He had an F and brought it up to that D. They warned us at the meeting for AP students to be prepared for something like this. I just didn't think it would be possible with Clay. I noticed, when I went to the school website, that his F's in that class are on chapter reviews and tests. He tells me that what she says will be on the test is not what is on it. So, I am now enforcing him to read the whole chapter and not go by the study guide. We will see if that works. His other grades are so good that I just can't keep beating him up over this. There has to be a legitimate reason for it. Clay is a good student. Well, Clay is just a good kid period, lol, no prejudice there. Oh, he is typical teen but I am glad for that, shows he is going through the stages of life healthy.
Me, I am, well, I am depressed most of the time. My meds aren't working and I don't want to fool with telling the doctor and going through the whole changing scenario. I sit here in the dark and play hearts, watch TV, or go to diabetic chat. Anymore I have to make myself go to diabetic chat because I am isolating again. Oh, well, I will get through.
Later. God bless. Teressa. |
posted by Teressa @ 10:04 AM  |
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| 3 Comments: |
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I wish I knew what to say. Biology is tough-overall his report card wasn't too bad!
Hug your Mom, I know this is tough for her especially.
Hope hubby gets the answers from the docs.
And I hope YOU can stay strong and fight this depression.
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Hiya sweetie,
I'm sorry life is as it is right now. 1993 was the exact same way for me. I am sorry about your Grandma.
I wouldn't stress out about Clay. He obviously wants to do well or he wouldn't be getting A's & B's or be in AP classes. I imagine he's putting a lot of pressure on himself.
It's easy to say not to worry, but I'm like the world's biggest worrier. I hope, somehow, you can find peace thru all of this. Remember, this is when you're totally dependent on God. When it gets too much, just breathe.
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You've had to tough it out thru some very heart-breaking times and I feel so sorry for you. To many deaths and sickness for one family to bear. It is good you keep behind Clay with his studies. So many parents just don't even care even if their kids make it to school or not. Maybe everything that has happened the past couple of months affects him too, and this drop in grades is temporary as he works some things out in his mind. He is such a good and bright kid and that you find the effort to keep him on the straight and narrow is a credit to you. Even though you are depressed and life is hitting you very hard. I'm feeling the effects of SAD myself and like you I hate med increased dosages and God forbid medicine changes and all the new side effects to work out. I am isolated too. The Depression Forums is keeping me up here lately, just like your diabetic chat is keeping you up. Sometimes it just helps to spend time with others who struggle with the same issues. I went to court with my bankruptcy a couple of weeks ago, and all I have to do now is do the little course they have after to keep you out of trouble the next time. You know, I am not ashamed. If it wasn't for the system and medical bills I wouldn't be in the situation I was in. Yes they should take a little a month for Gary's medical bill. They told me when I had this problem, that so long as I was consistant with what I was trying to pay, they would be happy with that....hugs, Linda (thinking of you)
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I wish I knew what to say. Biology is tough-overall his report card wasn't too bad!
Hug your Mom, I know this is tough for her especially.
Hope hubby gets the answers from the docs.
And I hope YOU can stay strong and fight this depression.