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| Friday, August 25, 2006 |
| 8.25.6 |
I left Saturday to see Max. Tracy came and picked me up. I thought I was prepared for what I was to encounter but the shock of it surprised me. The sight of him there in that bed and being given his pills like a child was so sad. When I got there he could say a couple words, like "hi" and "yeah". "Yeah" was his response to "I love you". Same answer for everyone, lol. He could give my mother kisses by her kissing her finger and her putting her finger to his lips. He would pucker up and softly kiss her finger.
I spent a lot of time in the room with him on Saturday. Just sitting in the recliner. He was sleeping most of the time. When he would wake up I would go to the side of the bed and take his hand. He would hold my hand and sometimes he would not let it go. I couldn't stand there long so would have to give over his hand to my mother. It was hard when we would have to forcefully move his hand from mine to my mother's. I felt pretty useless when it came time to care for him. I did get to help turn him once, help change his diaper, and help make his bed up once. Little things but it felt good to be a part in taking care of him.
Sunday I was sitting in the recliner and fell asleep. It is where I slept part of the night Saturday night as well. I was out, lol, and the next thing I know is Max's is hollering my name. I jumped a foot I bet. I got up and took his hand and he tried to say something to me but nothing was coherent. That is frustrating on both parts. I will never know what he wanted. I know he held my hand tightly. Once he was sleeping peacefully again I left the room. I carefully listened to the baby monitor when not in the room. Always happy to hear a snore.
I went and sat in the dining area. You can see my granny sitting in her chair in her room from the seat I was in. Suddenly she was needing Jerri and said she was going to be sick. Jerri got her a trash can and granny threw up. She had been complaining of chest pains earlier that day. Actually she had been complaining of chest pains off and on for 4 days. Granny got up and walked as far as the treadmill and my mother walked through the room and asked my granny what was wrong. Granny told her she felt like she was going to faint. Momma got her to her chair and granny just slumped over. An ambulance had to be called and she was transported to the hospital 40 minutes away. My brother-in-law and nieces were the only ones who could go with her as 2 people had to be there for Max and I couldn't be counted on for either. Anyway, they checked her and she had a bowel blockage and a gas pocket opposite sides of her bowel. Evidently she also threw up blood. The next day they diagnosed ulcers to go with everything else. She is still in the hospital. Today they are going to get her up and walk her.
Monday Max had less moments of speaking to us. Sometimes he would say things that was just out there. Like telling us that the cattle prices were up. I don't remember all the strange things he said but I know my mother hung on every word that would come out, I know hoping that the next time it would make sense. My mother is having an extremely hard time. At this time Max started struggling to breath. His pulse/ox was 85 that morning but the hospice nurses didn't put him on the oxygen at that time. I don't know why. So the head hospice nurse was called and we got the OK to start the oxygen. I once more found a use for myself. Noone else knew how to set the machine up, so I got to do that and get him on it. Little things, you know.
I forgot to tell the time he wanted out of bed. Oh my. He was adamant about getting out of that bed. That was earlier in the day on Monday. We heard him hollering in the baby monitor and off we went. He had his legs up over the rail on the bed. It was OK though because he didn't have the strength to pull himself over, or we think he don't, he did turn on his side one time on his own which shocked all of us. Anyway, Shawn, my bil, stood him up and I got the wheel chair behind him and they took him to the living room. I had to go to the bathroom and by the time I came out they had him back in bed, he didn't last long in the chair. He said his legs hurt and he was able to get that out. It seemed that right after his pain meds he was more alert. Funny as in funny odd.
Tuesday he had deteriorated more. They had to move from giving him his pills by putting them in his mouth and him swallowing them with a drink of water to crushing them and giving them via syringe. I would go to the side of the bed and tell him I loved him and everyonce in a while I would get a look of recognition and him trying to say something but he just couldn't, then the glazed look would come over him.
Wednesday I came home. I heard from my mom and sisters that he had another episode of wanting out of the bed and they had to call my step-brother, Rodney, in from work to help them. He came out and put him in the chair and 5 seconds later Max wanted back in bed, he just couldn't take it, poor thing. They put him back to bed and he was fine. Later that day he started vomitting up blood.
Thursday they started him on liquid morphine and phenagren. He is showing signs of less than a week to go. I did have a talk with my mother before I left that she needed to prepare herself for the end. That there would come a time when she will call the hospice nurse and they won't be able to do anything more. She says that she is ready but from what I seen she is not. She can't even order her suit for the funeral and it is just a matter of days. I think she waited too long.
Gary is not doing well. They did an ultrasound on his groin and testicle. The cord down there is wrapped around the blood vessels and cutting off circulation to the testi. He is also herniated above that area. They called yesterday and wanted a CAT scan done asap. He had it done at 6 p.m. last night. Today we will hear about that. The nurse told me when setting up the CAT that the doctor thinks that something else might be causing the problem because the problem Gary has is normally a slow onset. Gary's is acute and it is rare for it to be acute.
I have an appointment for nerve conduction tests done on my arms this morning and I am hoping that it don't take too long because I am sure Gary's doctor will be calling as soon as he gets the CAT scan results.
Our van is being fixed. They believe it is the fuel pump anyway and are replacing it. The church agreed to pay for it. So hopefully we will have our wheels back soon. We still have the Blazer on loan from the man from church. God is good.
AHHHHH, LIFE!
Later. God bless. Teressa.
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posted by Teressa @ 5:03 AM  |
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| 9 Comments: |
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Oh hon, my thoughts and prayers are with you and yours.
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Hi Teri, yeah all they can do now is keep him comfortable. He's on so much pain meds that whatever he does now, has to be seen in that light. I'm glad you were able to hook up the oxygen, do something you know how to do. I think your sister will have to go and get your mother's funeral suit and anything else she needs. Her mind is in a fog and she can't think one way or the other. She probably needs to be told to eat and shower, etc. I imagine you will spending a great deal of time on the phone with your Momma once everything is over. I remember all this when my father passed away. I didn't get there in time to see him alive but I was there with everyone else for the funeral and after. My mother was very confused and turned-around. After someone has been sick for a long time, and they pass on, your mind is in shock. There's no more need to sit up with your loved one or tend to their needs.It's the time when it dawns on them that their loved one has really gone that they need all the love and support of everyone. I'm sorry I didn't mean to run on. You and yours are in my thoughts and prayers for more strength to get thru this stage and beyond..((((((((((Teri, Max, Momma and rest of family)))))))))..ove Linda
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Teressa-
I am so sorry for what your family is going through. I will be thinking of all of you through this difficult time.
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im so sorry that things are going so badly for you and your family ...will add you to my prayer list...keep the faith jackie
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I'm so sorry your family is going through all of this. When it rains, it pours, eh? I'm disgusted by the fact that Max's pulse ox was down to 85 and they had to get permission to get him O2. At least you know how to do it.
I wish I could do or say something to make all if this sadness go away, but I can't. You are all in my thoughts.
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Hi Teressa,
So sorry to hear of all the misery going on in your life right now. Seems to be going around lately, huh? Hospice should be able to keep Max fairly comfortable right up to the end if you guys have a good one. And they should also be able to provide support for your mom and the rest of the family as well. Take care and I shall keep you in my thoughts.
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I hope that Max is comfortable now...god bless you guys
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Just letting you know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers....love Linda
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You & your family are in my thoughts.
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Oh hon, my thoughts and prayers are with you and yours.