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| Friday, January 20, 2006 |
| Bananas |
This will have nothing to do with bananas but I couldn't come up with a good title. I did get to bed at 1:30 this morning and woke up at 8:30. Got lots of sleep. My back is sore from it. It seems that I am always complaining. I don't mean to be. I am listening to the trial of the boy who killed his parents and step siblings. Cody Posey. It is full of abuse done to him. I don't understand his killing them. Many kids go through the same if not worse abuse and never strike out. However, I understand his anger and hurt. I felt guilt when my uncle who molested me died and I cried. I couldn't understand how I could still love the man who did that to me at age 8. I was 31 when he died. I thought maybe I condoned it by being so sad that he was gone. The only person in my life that I could of killed was Ace, my third husband, I knew it would be a fight for my life and I was prepared to fight it. He had already murdered a man and I knew what he was capable of. While growing up with abuse I only thought of physical escape. Not harming those who harmed me. So, I don't understand what would bring this child to do what he did. We will all meet our Judge by ourselves and I do not judge this boy. Just don't understand what snapped within him.
Nothing planned for today. That is not unusual, lol. Oh, I will probably throw a nap in somewhere, that is usual. I need to clean around my computer. I get the new computer next week and I am not ready for it. We have to make room in this small space for 2 computer desks. I am going to attempt to hook both up to a wireless router. Lisa said she can help me. I sure hope she knows what she is getting herself into, lol. It all seems to be simple in my head but I know it is not going to be what I am thinking. I just figure you hook your modem to the wireless router and then put the wireless cards into the computers. Voilà. We will see. I will probably not be able to do it even if Lisa says it is easy. I get confused often.
Later. God bless. Teressa. |
posted by Teressa @ 10:36 AM  |
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| 11 Comments: |
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I cannot understand why you would love him, i wont bother trying to figure it out, the human mind works in very complex ways. Hope you have a good weakend!
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You are right, T - never can tell when someone will snap-a-roo.
I'm sorry to hear about the pain your uncle caused you. It's so confusing that those we love can hurt us so badly. The guilt you talked about feeling is very normal. Perhaps you already know this, but when something traumatic happens to us, that 'part' of us (Teressa as an 8 year old girl, for example) stays with us at in that form always. She 'acts up' through that little inner voice we all have, often with negative self-talk because she thinks it will protect us somehow, until we give her what she needs to be able to recede a bit so that we can move forward. Although physically you were 31 years old when he died, I suspect your 8 year old part was very close to the surface - loving the uncle that didn't hurt her, and struggling with the 31 year old Teressa that knew he did hurt her.
Well, enough gobbletygook from me. I applaud your openness. People who have been abused and assaulted are too often shamed into not saying anything, when really, the only shame belongs to the abuser.
Take care.
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Whoa! Back up here a sec...your third husband MURDERED someone??? Yikes! Was this before you were married, while you were married? I'm just shocked! You seem so gentle and caring, I would never have pegged you for having ever been involved with someone capable of murder. Did he get away with it? Get caught? Sorry to be so nosey, like I said, I'm shocked!
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briteyellowgun - back up and read the life story down a ways - it's hair raising, and an excellent read. Teressa should write a book.
I've snapped many times in my life, and I might have done severe damage to someone around me. I don't condone it, but I can understand how it can happen to someone, especially a troubled youth.
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I love how you don't judge people, just wonder what happened in their mind that caused them to do it.
You aren't always complaining! You spend a lot of time out spreading nice and thoughtful comments to people.
My parents have had their computers networked for years. Cracks me up that they have his and her computers when it seems like only a few years ago, my father would never touch a computer. LOL!
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I dunno what makes somebody snap either; sometimes I've felt close to snapping or losing control of myself; a rage that I found frightening; thankfully, I never abandoned myself fully to my rage; I don't tend to feel such rage anymore.
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Two side-by-side computers! You are movin' on up! (like the Sandfords). Hope Lisa can get them positioned the way you want them. Listen, I wrote a happy post for once.I am always down and everyonee always tells me it's OK so I will tell you too. It's OK to be down in your own post, even tho we don't think so. You are a wonderful person whether you are down or up. So go visit my blog (I forgot to title it,lol). Maybe it might lift you up a little. It sure did me, hugz, Linda
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Yep, hooking up a wireless connection is easy,once you've finished. But while you're going through the trial and error of doing it,it ain't no picnic!
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Wireless. Ha. I have the outfit sitting here and all I was able to accomplish was to get the second computer to talk to my main computer, then the second computer told Tristan (name of my main computer) to F off and then computer 2 took over the Internet and everything while Tristen looked on in terror and couldn't do a thing. I am not so good at these things either.
You probably don't complain as much as you think you do. You hear yourself all the time and others don't. Does that make sense? OK. I am backing out of this now.
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We all have our own breaking points & ways of dealing with things internal. I don't know the case details, but maybe this kid had nobody who protected him. I'm with you as far as not judging.
Don't beat yourself up over being sad because your uncle died. IMHO, that just shows you have a big heart.
I get easily confused & often. Too often!
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Morning!
I saw your question about "PostSecret" on Toodler's blog.
It's a blog that shows pictures of postcards people have made and sent in to the blog owner. The post cards reveal secrets that people can't or won't share in "real life". There are some scary and sad things posted there. It's a pretty good read though.
Post Secret
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I cannot understand why you would love him, i wont bother trying to figure it out, the human mind works in very complex ways. Hope you have a good weakend!