| Friday, January 06, 2006 |
| 3.21.5 |
No Mans Land....Continuing the story....
So now I am in no mans land. I am scared, have no place to go and no way to get there if I wanted to. I finally got a ride back to southeast MO and ended up staying in a travel trailer in my cousins yard for a bit. That is when I started drinking heavily. I drank instead or eating or most anything else. I almost remember celebrating my divorce. I was not around when my husband got the divorce, just got the papers. I chose to get out of there fast. I didn''t care what he told the judge, just so that we were divorced. I still thought I loved him tho, isn''t that stupid, to love a person who would treat you that way? Yet, I did.
Things at my cousins turned sour. I met a friend thru them and when things got tough I moved with her to a party house. We got free rent, electricity, phone, and drugs for keeping the house open. Yes, I was now at this time getting high. I knew I was in a self-destructive mode, but hardly cared at the time. It wore of tho but I found myself in the situation and did not know how to get out.
Then one night I got a call. It was from the ex. He wanted me to come back and told me how much he loved me, and how sorry he was about everything. After talking to him I evaluated where I was and what I thought was right. I needed out of the conditions I had got myself into and I also thought maybe I hadn''t done enough to save my marriage, hardy, har, har. Me and my simple mind. So when the ex called back I accepted the invitation of remarriage. He came and picked me up and in a few days we were remarried. I thought, really I did, that things would be different. It didn''t take long for me to know that I had been suckered again. The beatings started and then he started cheating on me. I had had it and I knew that no matter what I did it was not going to change how this marriage was to be. So 4 months to the day we remarried we were divorced again. This time I was there and I told why it ended. I didn''t leave with absolutely nothing this time. Last time I didn''t even have a bottle of shampoo, a brush, nothing, I just ran. This time his mother helped me to get some things that I would need and secretly hide them for when I left. I got my soon to be once again ex stoned for his first time and got one of the credit cards from him. The next day, of course he didn''t remember giving it to me. So off I went and I got everything I would need for at least 2 months. His mother let him think I was working while I went home and packed all. I left and went to live with his parents and after the divorce he to the bills, lmbo, you should of seen his face. He could do nothing tho, his mother was standing there daring him, lol. I know this is coming out in rambles but is how it is. So, now here I am again, only place to be is with my ex''s parents and having to see him all the time. I finally left there to a friends and from there to my ex-sister-in-law''s, from there to who know now. I can''t remember all the moves I made. I know that at 89 moves I quit counting. Now I was a nomad and going from one place to another to lay my head. Not able to get a job because of no car, and then I had no skills, training or experience. I did get a few jobs as a waitress, a counter person, and a baby sitter. At one point I ended up in Overland outside of St. Louis and I started a technical college. I worked 8 hours a day Monday thru Friday, went to school at night Monday thru Friday, got a ride into the city on the weekends and stayed with a cousin across from a corner market which I ran on the weekends. I got into the college without my high school diploma (remember I quit school to get married) because I scored so high on their tests and I was told that before I could graduate I had to have my G.E.D.. I was working as a layout artist for a lumber companies ad department and running that store without ever completing high school, lmbo, I knew how to sell myself.
Well, where I was living in Overland was a kind of hang out for partyers. A lot of dope and drinking. I eventually caved and there I went again. I had this penchant for self-destructing for sure. It ended with me quitting school, my jobs, and this time I did have a car. So once again I ran. I went back to southeast MO and ended up at my dad''s. Oh what a mistake, however it did get me over my habits, I refused to drink with my dad, too many memories and too many fears. I wasn''t there long when I sold him my car, bought a ticket to Arizona ( I had a friend there) and I left. I got to Arizona with 8 bucks in my pocket, left on a dark street in a town where there were men sleeping in the street where I was standing cause my bus was late and I had to call my friend for a ride. Boy was I terrified, lmbo. When my friend came and picked me up I was so relieved.
More later...
March 21, 2005 5:49 PM |
posted by Teressa @ 11:45 AM  |
|
|
|
|
