| Friday, January 06, 2006 |
| 3.18.5 cont. |
Now My Step-father...Turns out that my step-father is as big a jerk as my dad, not to my mother, who he treats fantastically, but to us kids he is awful. He resents that I am who my brothers and sisters come to when they need someone. Well it is how things have gone all their lives and mine. Not something easily stopped. Then one day when we were going to feed the cattle, my brother, Max, and I. Max was driving, I was in the middle, and my brother on the passenger side so that he can open all the gates. My brother gets out to open one of the gates and my step-father puts his hand on my leg. I know what is up and I am not going to stand for it ever again in my life. I tell him not to touch me like that again. Well he could do nothing but what I said because he didn''t want my brother to see or hear what was going on. I am sickened by what happened. Knowing what was in this man''s head. I have 2 other sisters and what about them? Needless to say that the relationship, what there was, deteriorated between Max and me even more. He knew I had his number and thought that I could blow everything up in his face. I learned through later experiences that it would not of mattered in the least to my mother. Max is a very mean man, easily triggered and loved to pick anything to start on the kids or me with. Not as often with me as them. I had to watch him beat them relentlessly. I did try to stop it and got the hell beat out of me for it. My mother usually just sat back and let it happen, very few incidents did she butt in. When she did, oh boy, the fights that would ensue! However, Max never laid a hand on my mom thought after what we went through with my father, it was expected at any time. Then started Max sleeping with my middle sister. He would tell my mom that he was going downstairs to take a nap with her and my mother would just say OK. She was so stupid! I mean she had to know that was not right, but my mother had a way of ignoring what was going on around her in some preverse way of self protection. Max would also lay on the couch and make my younger sister sit at the end and rub his feet. He would procede to play with her breasts while she is trying to rub them. She would plea with my mother to make him stop and all my mother could say is "He is not hurting you, be quiet". I could not believe that she would allow this to happen. I see now that if I had gone to my mom with what happened to me as a child that it would of been a nightmare thinking I would get help. So we lived in this volatile atmosphere. Never knowing what to expect from one moment to another. One thing about Max was that he served in Vietnam as a Tunnel Rat and he suffered from this. I think that had a lot to do with how he treated us, but I didn''t know that at that time.
One thing my brother and I was told is that it wasn''t our home that we only lived there because of my mother and as soon as we graduated we were out no matter what. This created more stress. We had a fear of the unknown. Turns out that my brother moved in with my dad when he turned 15 and I met a man and married him when I was 17 and he was 30.
March 18, 2005 6:28 PM |
posted by Teressa @ 11:39 AM  |
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